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Monday, August 20, 2012


It's easy to get carried way when writing, but really, when is there too much description? I, personally, do not really like description because too often, things are over described. 
Look at this picture. If this was a scene in your story, what would you describe? You should describe something if...
  1. It has impact on the story, either now or later
  2. It creates emotion for the hero
What else would it be described? If the hero was terrified of  peanut butter and went to a dinner were peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were served, then it would affect the hero, and would need to be described. And, also, if the PB&J is poisoned, then you would need to describe that. And now, I know that the majority of my readers are thinking that a novel would be rather short if you cut almost all of the description. Well, there are cases when you might describe more then the two things stated before, like if the hero was walking down a pathway. You might want to describe some scenery, but for the most part, I recommend leaving out unneeded, ones that aren't meaningful. And be sure your descriptions are predictable. Do not waste words on something that we already know, like "the diver behind the steering wheel." We need to use description that makes emotion. And if you like description, then here's a tip: throw in some action. Leaving out description may shorten your story, but if the description is boring, then it's better left out. 
Just remember that if you have to choose between a short, good story or a long book (which is over describes) then choose a short story. Just like anything, description is good, but if you use to much, it will ruin your story.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Cavestone: A Scene

I'm almost done with Cavestone (My novel) and I'm going to give you guys a sneak peak from it.
The scene is in the first chapter, it's probably the 3rd or 4th scene, so it's pretty early on in the book. What happened in the previous scenes is Loral had a dream and then her boss, Dr. Cria, wakes up and tells her to get to work, but she convinces him to get her some cake because it's her birthday.
     I sit on my bed contently munching on a piece of cake Dr. Cria grabbed from a bakery as I hold the picture of Connor. “Happy birthday.” I mumble. I, then, wipe white icing from my face. I find it difficult not to cry as I remember days like these. The days when I would be up by 4 A.M. with Connor, counting down the seconds until we were born, Connor being at 4:25 and me being at 4:29.
     Now, I’m the last remaining Elrod…except for maybe Devan. I think back to the night that I dreamt about.
     A lady rushes into the room as a clutch onto Devan and Sophia chitchats in my ear, but I focus on the lady. She is almost memorable…almost.
     “Loral!” The lady shouts.
I am shocked to hear here call my name, but my curiosity gets the better of me. “Who…who are you?”
“I need Devan.”
“Not my brother!” I shout and hold him so tight he screams. The lady rushes over to me and picks me up. “He’s not going to take you two as well. No, he’s not! He can’t take my grandchildren as well!”
“You’re my grandma? Who is trying to take me?”
“It’s Sammy and Abby. They’re at their games again.”
The lady tugs me who is holding Devan out the door. “What about Sophia?”
“That’s Sophie?”
“Sophia!” Sophia states. “Sophia Parham, if you don’t get it right, then I’ll…”
“Come with me!”
“No!” Someone stomps down the hallway.
“Quit with your games, you no good old lady.” The lady drags me and Devan away from the stomping as fast and silent as she can manage.  
     I drag my feet across the ground to slow her progress. “I need to watch after my brother!”
     “You’re too young to take on that responsibility.”
     I look up at her with bulging eyes. “But it’s only for a little while. Mommy will be back soon.”
     “Ok, look…your mom and dad are dead. And you're are what…2?”
     “I’m 6. Today is me and Connor’s birthday.” I reply as the footsteps grow closer and closer.
     “Connor can’t have birthdays anymore.”
     “Yes…yes he can! I know he can, he just did. Me and Connor got up at 4 and then when both turned 6…”
     “I’m Connor is dead, that was his last birthday.”
     “No! He cannot be, because I just saw him.”
     “And I just watched him die.” The lady continues to drag me as the stomps grow closer. “He’ll kill you too.”
     “But I work for him. He would not do that.”
     “Mr. Doctor Cria just killed your parents. He just killed Connor Elrod. He killed your Uncle Prewitt and Aunt Annie. He’s coming for you too, and then for Devan. You’ll all be dead by morning.”
     “Take Devan. It’s too late for me. Mr. Cria is so close that both me and him can’t stay alive. No, you take him and I’ll watch over him…just like mommy said to. Devan is my little brother, and I’ll have to take a few risks for him…just remind him about me…and Connor.” I kiss Devan on the cheek and he wraps his little arms around my neck. I pull then away and the lady drops me into the hallway, where doom awaits.
     “Mr. Doctor Cria, have mercy on me.” I whisper as I lay in the darkness.
It's not my best scene, but the my bests have one thing in common, spoilers. And they're no fun. But flashbacks are cool, and I have a lot of them in my story because Loral has a complex childhood. Flashbacks rock.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Ember Flame: The Review

I've had a couple of people ask me what I really though of Ember Flame. They've told me to be honest with them...Why? Because my best friend wrote the book. She's someone I know. These people think that because I know her, I'll lie about her book or make it seem better than it is. Quite the opposite is true. I actually am more tough on her. Why? Well, first off, she asked me to be when she started editing another book she wrote (it's not published). And if I hated the book (I didn't) and I told her I loved it, what good would it do her? How will she improve? So I will be honest and warn you if there are spoilers ahead. (If there are any at all). 

Now that I have that over with, I can begin with the actual review. First of all, I did not like the romance that was in the story (not the main focus of the story AT ALL, but I still didn't like it). Since it was not cliche, no points going off there, but still not a preferred thing.

  1. Pros
    • The story was creative
    • The hero, Ember, was very realistic
    •  I loved the fact that there were many plot twists…I found myself wondering many things and being shocked when I got my answer
    • The majority of the story was believable
    • I enjoyed the story even when I read it a second time (I hardly ever read a book twice)
    • There was romance, but it was not cliche
    • There were good themes that ran through the whole story
    • The ending was satisfying and the part words were great
    • While the villain was a little cliché, he also had some twists I was surprised when I learned his background- it made me hate him more!
    • The ending was satisfying and filled with mixed emotions
    •  Ember Flame is set up for a sequel, but without using cliffhangers
  2. Cons
    • There was one battle scene that wasn't very believable (There was only a small part of the scene, so 0.3 points off)
    • I found the villain a little cliche (Since only parts of him where cliche and there were some very non-cliche parts of him, around 0.2 points going off there)
    •  There were a few parts that I didn't understand and weren't ever explained in the story (There were 2 parts that I didn't understand at all and wanted to know more about, so .5 points off for that)
As you can see, there aren't many negative things that I found in the book, so I’ll give Ember Flame a 9 out of 10. Great book, and is highly recommended by me. I hope I didn't spoil anything in this review because I tried really hard to not.